I wish I knew calligraphy; an op-ed

I wish I could write in calligraphy, or even a confident script. I like my handwriting, it’s fine. My handwriting is perfect for marble note books. Perfect to scribble a quick note saying that I’m leaving, maybe when I’ll be back. My handwriting frames dirty doodles in the margins well. But marble notebooks get thrown out when the semester ends and quick notes get thrown out when I come back, or when I don’t come back. My handwriting is meant to be thrown away, and that is okay. I’ve never had anything to say that needs to be looked back on.

There’s an author and filmmaker from China named Dai Sijie, which I bet looks beautiful written in script. I once read a quote by him that says, “Calligraphy may well be simply an artistic version of another form, that is the ideograms which make up the poem, but then not only does it reflect the character and temperament of the artist but . . . also betrays his heart rate, his breathing” (Sijie). He is 72 years old today and when I read the quote I wonder if you can see him aging through his handwriting. He writes things that are meant to be kept. People look at his handwriting because he is saying something important.

I am only 20 years old but I’m starting to think about the things in my life I will say that will be important. I don’t want to say these important things in a typed out font. I want to sit down and write a love letter. I don't want to profess my love in chicken-scratch on scrap paper anymore. Or over text. That’s cute in between classes or on the playground but I am graduating college soon. I want to love in a way people will want to look back on. Reread.

Then one day, I want to write my wedding invitations by hand. I don’t want to spend money on a shutterfly account. If I am mailing a part of myself to everyone I love I want to write to each of them individually. I love them. Then I want to have a baby and I will love that baby. I want to announce the baby, who I love, to all these people that I’ve spent my life loving. I want everyone to see the change in my handwriting from my wedding into parenthood. You don’t see that in a font. You can’t read that in chicken scratch. I dread the people I love dying. When I lose people I am close to I want to be able to write down how I felt about them, how I loved them. It’s okay if tears blur the writing. I want to handwrite things because I want tangible proof I care.

I have no idea how to write in calligraphy. Do you need a special pen? I think you do. Where do you get that? Michael’s? Then what happens when you get it. Do you suddenly write beautifully? How hard is it, really? It sounds overwhelmingly hard so I’ve never learned. I feel like I’m doing myself a disservice by forcing myself to not say anything worth looking back on. I should google it. I should start learning. I need to stop wishing. I can just learn it. Maybe my next blog post will be handwritten. Or maybe the one after that. If I do that, I’d frame it. I need to hold myself to it. I have things to say. I need to start feeling like my words are worth saying.